dream journal 4

I stepped into the cool pool, and walked down waist high. My clothing welded to my body, every fiber soaking up the pond. I let myself float there, closed my eyes, and let my mind take me away. I needed answers. I needed to be sure of myself. Of him.
I was inside my garden, full of exotic plants and life filled the place, floor to ceiling. My greenhouse. My sanctuary.
My mind.
"Hello?" I called. I felt alone here, but it couldn't be. I knew my angel had to be here. To guild me and tell me if I was right for what I was doing. But yet I felt so alone. Not a single presence lurked the confines of my spiritual realm. Nothing but the animals that will scurry by me, or fly off in search of food. The statues that guarded me like a temple, seeming ready to come alive and strike down anyone who dared to enter. The vines hung still. Leaves refused to shake. Silence, all but the crunching of leaves beneath my feet. I sat, and I waited, concentrating on calling upon my guardian.
"Child", a woman's voice called from the distance. I looked up, and out of the darkness of thick vegitation, a woman stood before me. A woman made of jade with thickly carved hair lain down her back, and an amulet carved of snakes. "What you are doing is not right! You will destroy everything you were meant for. Leave him now. Drown yourself in this very pool, and remain here. With me." Her hair started to slither and entwine itself around her body, as if it had a life of its own. They resembled her amulet in the way they moved and tangled themselves together. Snakes. Her eyes started to glow and I was almost in a trance until I was distracted by a voice behind me. I realized what was going on, and knew if I didn't get out of there, I would die. I would remain stone, trapped inside my mind for all eternity.
I ran through the emrald sea towards the second voice. I ran straight into it. She was carved of alabaster, ten feet taller than myself. Wings with a massive wingspan, and a free flowing tunic that fit perfectly against what would have been her body.
"You are safe here with me, my Child. Your demon will no longer lurk within your sanctuary."
"But, Angel, I still am lost and without guidance. I am in love with a man who may never understand, or even accept what I am by nature! I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I'm not sure if this is right, but I've fallen so deeply in love… I'm not sure if I could let him go. He will find out what I am eventually. He will here the rumors! He will be the one to watch me as I hang, with fury and sadness in his eyes. My visions have told me so! I'm not afraid to die. I'm afraid to die without my soul when it belongs entirely to someone else who wouldn't want it. Who would cast it away like some dirty, useless rag that I am."
"Do not talk like that! Ever! You have no idea the power you wield. How much love you hold over him. You know he loves you, so why would you ever imagine that would change? You were chosen to be a child of the Heavens and earth. Of fire and sea. Of the winds. The Heavens hold a very high respect for you for such a holy and spiritual being. Why shouldn't anyone else? Why wouldn't he?"
"But my vision--"
"Did you know anyone has the power to change the future? You can make things work to your advantage."
I couldn't breathe another word before she disappeared, leaving me truly alone again. Left with nothing but her words echoing in my head. I still wasn't sure what to do.